


We're Avoiding Our Wives

by Random_ideas_happen



Category: Disney Princesses
Genre: All the princesses are minor, Anna/Kristoff - Freeform, Drunkenness, F/M, Friendly Competions, avoiding wives, because the princes need a story too, commiserating, i wrote this instead of doing homework
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-29 08:16:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6366472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Random_ideas_happen/pseuds/Random_ideas_happen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cinderella and Aurora had balls on the same evening at the same time. Their husbands escape to a pub afterward and the rest of the male Disney royalty eventually show up. Drunken conversations ensue until the wives find them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We're Avoiding Our Wives

Once upon a time in a kingdom far away there sat two princes at a tavern. They had escaped from their respective castles after the balls held by their wives and now sat commiserating together over a good pint of ale. 

“You know when Aurora and Cinderella get into disagreement I really feel sorry for our subjects. They hold balls on the same night and basically make it a popularity contest,” Said Phillip as he took a swig of ale. “Sometimes I wish I left my wife sleeping.”

“Ha, you and I both know that is a lie. I mean you met her ‘Once upon a dream’ and were so smitten with her after one song together that you wanted to marry her,” Henry chuckled. “And you were already engaged at the time.”

“Oh, and you’re one to talk? You danced with Cinderella once, spoke like two words then tracked her down with a shoe. By the way, that so shows where you looking while you were dancing.”

“It was dark. I couldn’t make out her face.”

“My Ass.”

“Hey you did not notice that your love and your betrothed were the same person.”

“I only saw her as a baby!” Phillip roared slamming his hands on the table, “And she had a totally different name!”

“Oye, ye two don’t be brawlen again,” hollered a barmaid.

Henry and Phillip looked at each other than at the barmaid, “What do you mean again?” the asked in unison.

She glanced their way than did a double take, “Oh, me bad I thought you were the Johns. Didna realize it was ye Charming and Phillip.”  
Just then the door of the tavern slammed open.

“I am the one who’s better for her! I understand her ways!” a blonde man yelled.

The brunet he was with yelled back, “Yeah, and who left her high and dry you prat!”

“Auch, there they be,” muttered the barmaid, “Oye, ye two knock it off. Smith you’re too late and Rolfe ye only got Pocahontas because it was historically correct. Now sit down and have a pint.”

“Alright,” the two said properly reprimanded.

“Oh, look Rolfe, we have ourself’s some proper princes here tonight,” Smith pointed out.

“We should join them as polite society.”

“Agreed,” the blonde said and the sat down at the princes table.

“Do you two come here and fight with each other every night?” Henry asked.

“No, well, we don’t intend to come here and fight, but this toff,” Smith said jabbing his thumb at Rolfe, “has to bring her up every time we meet. She is a sore subject for me.”

“I wouldn’t have to bring her up every time if you would remember why you owe me a pint when we go drinking” came Rolfe’s prim rebuttal, “You lost the bet, and therefore you buy the ale.”

“Wait, you two made a bet on who would get Pocahontas?” Phillip asked.

“Of course,” Smith replied at the same time as Rolfe said, “Precisely.”

Henry piped in “Does Pocahontas know about this? Because I feel like neither one of you would have won if she did.”

“No!” The Johns exclaimed.

“You had better not tell her either. I like my wife and l like my life so you had better not screw it up,” Rolfe threatened pointing at Henry and Phillip.

“Yes, don’t tell her because that would mess with his ‘happily ever after’,” Smith mocked with a smug grin. As he looked around the table and all he received was glares, “What?”

“You do not mess with others ‘happily ever after’s’,” Henry said with a straight, serious face.

“Alright, I understand.” Smith said scooting away, “I should just go hang out with Meeko,” he muttered into his ale, “At least he appreciates me.”

A silence followed as the four men drank their ale, but it didn’t last long before the tavern door opened again and three more men walked in loud with merriment.

“That was a fabulous party, no?” The tall dark one said slapping the frying pan wielding brunet on the back. “With Tiana’s cooking and Rapunzel’s gift for making everyone sing and dance, everyone was happy.”

“After the other two parties it was definitely a good place to retreat to,” The third man said.

“Heh, heh, yes it was my friend. By the way thanks for the ride,” the frying pan wielding man said as he draped his arm around the third, “You can really count on Carpet to be an excellent DD. I can never convince Maximus to be mine.”

“Yeah, Carpets great unless Genie gets to him,” the third joked.

“Oh, my friends do not be too loud about the after party. Charming and Phillip are here.”

“Too late Naveen, we already heard you. Why don’t you three come join us?” Phillip invited.

The three looked warily at each other. “It’s all right you three. We understand that the parties were stressful. Come and join us,” Henry waved over.

“Alright then we will have an after, after party!” Naveen said excitedly, “Pints all around on me!” and so the three joined the four at the table.

“Tiana gave you back your allowance?” Aladdin, the friend of Carpet, asked.

“Ah, no…But as a prince I’m sure I can make a tab.”

Eugene snorted, “Oh you can try. However, it never works, trust me.”

“That might be because you’re a former thief,” Phillip pointed out.

“That is so not true, or are you saying you have a tab!”

“My wife doesn’t doll out my money therefore I have no need for one.”

Aladdin looked around then called to the barmaid, “We like a round of pints over here and put it on my tab.”

“You have a tab?” The others all exclaimed.

“But you’re a former thief, too!” Came from Eugene.

“Jasmine set it up,” Aladdin said as his cheeks turned red, “Something about carrying around gold being inconvenient.”

“Ha, your wives all have your balls, you poor souls,” John snickered.

“Shut it Smith!” was shot back at him from all around.

“So good sirs which party did you attended?” Henry asked.

“Don’t make them answer that. Besides are you too drunk already to remember who showed up at you ball?” Phillip asked.

“I stop listening after a while and just danced with Cinderella. She is a fabulous dancer.”

“You just like how low cut her dress is, Charming” a passerby interjected.

“Ah, The Prince, you should join us as well,” Naveen said boisterously a drink newly in his hand, “I have heard you are an excellent drinking friend.”

“Naveen my name is Florian. Snow White is the only one who can call me Prince, preferably with a ‘my’ in front of it,”

“Does she even know your name?” Henry asked.

“No idea,” Florian sighed slumping onto the bench next to Henry, “It sucks when you don’t have a name, but everyone knows your wife’s name”

“I understand, Florian. Trust me I do,” Henry comforted, “Here have a pint and remember it could be worst. You could be called Beast.”

“Speak of the devil, there is the man himself,” Rolfe pointed out as another man entered the tavern.

Naveen noticed as well and called over, “Hey, Beast! Come join our merry party!” The strawberry blonde moodily stared over.

“Naveen,” Phillip hurriedly whispered, “He doesn’t like to be called Beast.”

“What am I supposed to call him then?”

“I don’t know,” Phillip shrugged. Naveen looked around the table and all gave a shrug or shake of head.

“It’s Adam,” Eugene said after a gulp of ale, “Adam, come join us! You can join the pity party Charming and Prince are having,” he called. Everyone stared amazed, “What? Rapunzel and I spend a lot of time at his place. Belle’s library is vast and Rapunzel likes books.”

“I’m surprised you’re not part of the pity party, Eugene,” Aladdin said aside to him.

“Well, I have two names, one I was given when I was born and the other I gave myself so it’s not like I’m in the same boat.” During the time Eugene had been speaking Adam had joined the table and was commiserating with Charming and Prince.

“I really hate Disney, you know?” Adam was telling the other two, “Every time we do something unrelated to our movie I always have to go as “The Beast” even in our second movie I was Beast. It’s like everyone likes my Hyde better than my Jekyll!” he nearly sobbed.

“It’s alright man. Hey at least you have some form of your name in the title of your movie and pretty decent dialogue,” Florian tried to comfort him with to no avail.

“But it’s all as the Beast!” Now Adam was wailing, “Bell even calls me Beast sometimes when she’s not thinking. She broke the damn curse so why can’t I move past my shameful self and just be Adam!”

“Calm down Adam. Here drink up,” Henry said handing him a pint as Florian pat him on the back.

“I don’t get what’s the big deal? He got the girl in the end.” 

“Aladdin, you really have no grounds to talk,” Rolfe said sternly, “You’re the hero in your movie and the movie is named after you so you wouldn’t understand.”

“But it ended happily?”

“Okay, imagine that Jasmine started calling you Street Rat, how would that make you feel?” Rolfe asked.

“Crummy,” Aladdin mumbled into his ale.

“There you go, now you understand,” Rolfe said slapping him on the back.

The tavern door opened once again and two men who looked like they had been fishing walked in. 

The one with a ponytail nudged the other in the ribs and pointed to were the princes were gathered, “Eric, did you miss a memo or something? There seems to be a Prince convention over there.”

“Huh,” Eric looked over, “Wow you weren’t kidding, Shang.”

“Since when was I the kidding type?”

Eric ignored the comment, “Well as far as I know there wasn’t anything… Snarfblat!”

“Bless you?” 

“What?” Eric looked at Shang and then comprehension of what he had just said dawned on him, “Wow, Ariel really is rubbing off on me,” he muttered to himself rubbing his neck.

“Whatever, let’s just go join them.”

“No, wait, the balls were today and we forgot to go, which probably means Ariel forgot as well.”

“Nonsense, she was with Mulan all day and your daughter’s been complaining about it all week. Where have you been?” Shang shook his head and walked over to the table asking the barmaid for sake and ale as he went. “Of course I wouldn’t put it past the three of them if they decided to skip to go off on some excursion.” 

“Ah, Eric, Shang, how are we today?” Naveen asked enthusiastically scooting over so the two new comers could sit on the bench.

“You two skipped the balls to go fishing, did you not?” Henry asked.

“Well we didn’t plan to. I’m sincerely sorry Prince Henry and Prince Phillip; I did by no means, mean to offend,” Eric apologized.

“Oh, quit the formal speech Eric. Henry doesn’t even know who showed up and they weren’t any fun anyways,” Phillip said, “The party you missed was over at Naveen’s place apparently.”

“See, no problems,” Shang said and then gulped down a cup of Sake, “Ah, that’s the stuff.”

“Why are you so chill about this?” Eric asked him.

“Hm, oh well since it had nothing to do with the emperor, Mulan advised that I should skip and go relax for the evening. Besidess, she’s the important one. She saved China… twice. Man I’m useless,” as he spoke Shang words became more slurred.

“Wow, what are you drinking,” Eugene asked.

“Sake, doo you wnt sum?” Shang asked holding out his cup. Eugene shook his head.

“Oh, Sake! I want some,” Naveen said and poured himself a cup, “Wah, its warm!”

“Bst waaay to drnk it!” Shang said as he gulped down another cup then passed out.

Florian looked over when he heard the thunk of Shang’s head as it hit the table, “He doesn’t drink often does he?”

“Nope,” Eric said, “and he’ll be out for the rest of the night.” The whole table erupted into laughter.

“Hey, I’ve been wondering are we supposed to be including Shang in our Princely duties?” Aladdin asked.

“Of course! I always bring him along anyway,” Eric said.

“But he’s not technically a prince is he, I mean he’s a general and Mulan’s not a princess either,” noted Rolfe.

“Like you’re one to talk,” Eric said to back up his friend, “You’re not a prince either and most people don’t even acknowledge your presence and say Smith is actually Pocahontas’ prince.”

“Thank you, Eric” Smith boisterously called from the far end of the table.

“Smith she’s mine!”

“Only if you watch the second movie!”

“Don’ a even start again!” yelled the barmaid, “or I’m bannin’ both of ye from this tavern!”

“Yes Ma’am,” the Johns said and settled down again.

“So, since Rolfe and Smith, most of the time, are part of our prince club I declare Shang should be as well. All agreed say ‘aye’,” Eric announced.

“Aye!” said all, except for Shang, who was out cold.

“Speaking of princely duties, what are we doing about Sven?” Florian asked.

Eugene looked up from his beer, “Huh? What about him? Is he causing a carrot shortage in Arendelle? Because the only way to fix that is to convince everyone to stop bribing him. Trust me I know. I had to go through the same thing with Maximus.”

Florian looked over, “What are you talking about?” 

“A reason why we would need to talk about a Reindeer?” Eugene asked back.

Naveen jumped into the conversation, “Wait, Sven is the Reindeer?”

“I didn’t mean the Reindeer. I meant the guy he hangs out with,” Florian amended.

“Oh, Kristoff,” Eugene said.

“What are you trying to get at, Florian,” Asked Henry slightly irritated.

Florian took in the group, “Are we going to include him in our princely duties or not?”

There was a silence as the group pondered the question. It was harder than Shang’s case because they all at least knew Shang pretty well. The silence continued until Adam finally muttered, “When did this become an official meeting?”

“I’m sure Florian is thinking that since we’re all here we might as well figure it out,” Phillip whispered, and after the amount of drinks he had consumed his whisper was more like a modified shout. 

“Is he even dating a princess?” Aladdin looked over to Eugene.

“Why are you asking me?”

Naveen beamed at him, “Because, my friend, you seem to have all the answers tonight.”

“Yep,” agreed Aladdin.

“Listen all I know is he kissed Anna at the end of their movie and that they hang out a lot these days. I mean if you want to go on rumors, than yes Kristoff is courting Anna,” Eugene said but then with a shrug added, “That or he really likes Elsa’s ice.”

“Well, he’s technically not a prince if he hasn’t married a princess yet,” Eric, probably the most sober at this point, reasoned, “and is Anna even an official princess?

“She isn’t yet, but she will be coordinated as an official Disney Princess soon,” Florian informed. “So are you saying we should base having him join us on his marriage to a princess?”

“That’s hardly fair,” interjected Rolfe, “If we went off of that reasoning half of us wouldn’t be considered princes after our first film. Including you, Florian.”

“But, I was already a prince,” Florian smiled, “As were the rest of us until Aladdin-”

“Hey! I was Prince Ali! And after that I was the Prince of Thieves” Aladdin defended.

Florian just kept talking, however, “in fact we didn’t have another actual prince until Naveen came along.” This caused dirty looks to be shot at Naveen who but his hands up in surrender and smiled to ward them off.

“So, what are you saying?” Smith glared at Florian, “That we shouldn’t count now because we weren’t princes to start?”

“Of course you don’t count,” shot Rolfe, “Besides, at least I was a nobleman. You were just a soldier.”

“You absolute prick,” Smith went to punch Rolfe.

“This is be yer last warnin’!” called the barmaid, “Ye hit ‘em and you’ll be out on yer arses befor’ ye can blink!”

Smith straightened out the rumbled collar of Rolfe’s shirt and then sat down again.

Henry sighed, “We’re going to get nowhere with this in our present state. Can’t we just put him on probation or something until we get to know him better?” 

“I like that idea, besides we should be grateful we at least got a prince like figure out of this last movie.” Phillip said.

“Yes, that is correct!” Naveen nearly spilled his ale turning to Phillip, “The one before Kristoff’s only had a princess, yes! We were not able to gain a comrade.”

“The role of the prince has been fast fading for a while now. They want the princess or female lead to have the strong part. Which, don’t get me wrong, I’m all for. I mean it saved me,” Adam said, “but it’s nice when we can help save them in some way.”

“Yeah, that’s true,” Eric said, “Maybe that’s what was missing from this last film.”

“Real danger?” Smith smirked.

“A coherent plot?” Aladdin asked.

“No, an actual relationship,” Eric stated.

“Were getting away from the point,” Florian interjected before a debate could begin, “Do we want to agree on putting Kristoff on a probationary period? All for it say ‘Aye’.”

“Aye,” everyone chorused including Shang who Eric had shaken awake enough so he could say it. 

“Wonderful, that’s settled then,” Florian said, “I think I’m going to call it a night. If I leave Snow alone for too long I have to go retrieve her from the dwarves.” He left the money for his drinks and bid farewell to the group.

“I should probably get going as well and return Shang to Mulan. Goodnight everyone. And sorry again for missing the balls Henry and Phillip,” Eric said getting up. 

“No hard feelings,” Phillip said. Eric threw some money down for Shang and his drinks and then slug Shang’s arm over his shoulder to drag him home.

As the tavern closed behind Eric and Shang there was a poof of smoke that appeared next to Aladdin.

“Al! Al, you have to get home. She found out!”

“Genie, what? Wait, she didn’t find out, you told her!”

“I’m sorry Al, she asked where you disappeared off to and she’s very intimidating.”

“Okay, okay. I guess I’m off then guys,” Aladdin said.

“See ya,” Eugene said as Naveen said, “Yes, yes, see you.”

“Why are you two saying goodbye to me? I’m your ride remember?”

“Oh yeah,” Eugene said getting up.

“Eh, I forgot,” Naveen rose from his seat as well. They bid their farewells and left the tavern with Genie.

“Like I said, the wives have their balls,” Smith smirked.

“Honestly,” Rolfe turned to him, “I’m starting to I think you’re just jealous you don’t have a woman holding yours.”

“That’s absurd. I’m a free man. I can do whatever I want, go wherever I want, and never have to worry if my wife approves of it.”

“Oh, yes you’re living the good life, which is why you have to take me out drinking nearly every week just to hear about Pocahontas.”

Smith turned and raised his fist as if he was going to punch Rolfe, but then deflated mumbling, “You said you’d never say it out loud, you prat.”

Rolfe looked slightly ashamed realizing he’d gone to far, “I know, I’m sorry.” He stood up leaving several bills on the table before grabbing Smith’s arm to haul him up, “Come on, I’ve paid for both of us this time so let’s just get you home mate.”

Smith just nodded and went along.

The last three princes shared a look as the tavern door shut behind the two Johns. 

“What just happened there?” Phillip asked to no one in particular.

“I believe that was a show of true friendship,” Adam mumbled, “I want a true friend like that.”

“Are you implying that you don’t?” Henry asked patting his back

“Are you implying that you are one? Because you didn’t even remember my name earlier,” Adam pouted at the two remaining princes.

“Right, we are truly sorry about that, but you have to admit Henry and I aren’t really the best at remembering details,” Phillipe tried to console, “and besides I think two of your very true friends just walked in the door to find you.”

Adam looked up to see who Phillip was referring to and saw Lumiere and Cogsworth. 

“Ah, Master, there you are,” Cogsworth said walking over to the table, “We’ve been looking all over for you.”

Adam gave a wane smile, “You two are my true friends, right? You’ve helped see me through everything.”

“Why of course, master, why in havens would you even question that?” Lumiere asked agast.

“Maybe because you never follow his orders,” Cogsworth said shoving Lumiere.

“Ah, but my friend, that is your job.” Lumiere smirked.

Adam smiled at the antics of the two, “That’s enough, just get me home now.”

“Yes, master, right away,” Cogsworth said leading the way out of the tavern after Adam left some bills and bid farewell to the others. 

“Well, it looks like it’s just us, again,” Phillip said stretching his arms, “We should probably head out as well.”

Henry placed his head down on the table, “I don’t want to.”

“Neither do I, but we can’t stay here all night.”

“Who says?”

“We do.” The two princes’ heads shot up to see where the two very familiar voices came from. Their eyes landed on two women directly across from them, their wives.

“Are you two done commiserating yet?” Cinderella asked.

“Honestly, looking at them you’d think we made them go shopping not attended balls they didn’t even have to organize.”

Phillip gaped at his wife, “But, weren’t you two just fighting?”

Aurora raised one impeccable eyebrow at him, “What are you talking about dear?”

“But the balls, you had them on the same day, at the same time,” Henry said equally confused.

“That wasn’t fighting, Henry, that was a friendly competition. Now I think it’s time we get you home to bed,” Cinderella said taking a hold of Henry’s hand. 

“You too Phillipe,” Aurora said holding out her hand.

The two baffled men got up, left their money (with a sizable tip), and were lead away by their wives. 

And they all continued to live ‘Happily Ever After’. (Even with the hangovers the next day.)


End file.
